Birds! Eww!

In an attempt to capitalize on widespread public panic about a possible avian flu pandemic, McDonald's has introduced a new snack treat as an adjunct to their low-fat salads. The crunchy snack treat, made from spare parts of formerly contagious poultry, is guaranteed to be germ-free, reasonably healthy, and is promoted as quite tasty by the corporate giant, formerly known for its dominance as a purveyor of hamburgers and so-called "French fries."

"Chicken McNoggin is a low-cholesterol, fat-free alternative to our politically discredited meal known as 'The Big Mac with fries'" said Mr. Sandy McBurglar, a former advisor to President Bill Clinton. "Here at McDonald's, we strive to provide the fastest food at the lowest cost. We are also keenly aware of the obesity epidemic across America. The best thing we can do with those allegedly infected birds is turn them into tasty snack treats. There'll be no bird flu wherever our deep-fat friars are in operation. We have uses for chicken, and it isn't spreading disease to the American people."

Colonel Harlan Sanders, a noted advisor on poultry distribution in America, was unavailable for comment.

Sales of the tasty snack treat are expected to be especially high in Third World countries.