Addendum: "Suck it up with a straw!"

One thing that I totally failed to mention in the previous post was the culpability of the “green” crowd in the current ecological disaster in the Gulf of Mexico. As long as there is rampant finger-pointing making the rounds, I nominate radical tree-huggers as largely to blame for the oil spill, because of their opposition to any form of shallow-water drilling in the last twenty years.

An oil rig blow-out in shallow water would have been a cinch to fix, compared to the logistical difficulties of trying to fix a boo-boo a mile deep in the ocean. The best analogy I’ve heard to attempting this is fixing a fire hose upright, turning on the water, and sitting on the resultant stream with a coffee can to try and stop the output.

And then there is the alternative of dry-land drilling, which—according to the bunny-huggers—is completely out of the question because it might disturb a few of the caribou who nuzzle up to the Alaska pipeline for its frictional warmth as the oil passes through.

I wonder how much attention will be paid to the eight scientists who claim their report to The White House on the Gulf oil spill was altered to falsely allege they supported a moratorium on offshore oil drilling, when in fact they suggested no such thing?

My opinion on furthering America’s foreign-energy-dependency was stated in the previous column. I’ve lived “rough” with nature most of my life, and believe me, nature can be rough. As those web-cams in the Gulf graphically illustrate, Mother Nature can be unforgiving when rudely disturbed.

I’ve gathered water samples for the EPA where a manufacturer of telephone cable was dumping crap into a local watershed. I don’t hunt animals for sport, and I winced when the only way to control the growth of ivy up the side of my house was by widespread dissemination of herbicide. I capture and throw most non-lethal insects out of the house, as opposed to swatting them. I have weathered severe thunderstorms in a jungle hammock, and felt the tingle of nearby lightning strikes. I don’t know if any of this makes me an environmentalist, or ecologically correct, but in every instance I felt a harmony with the planet we live on. I respect the power of nature, and regret that the bozos at BP upset that equilibrium with their arrogant disregard of environmental protocols. While we have exploited the ecosphere in the past, I think that given the power of modern technology, we can utilize natural resources without destroying them or defiling the planet we have to live on.

That being said, “alternative energy sources” are still some years away from becoming practical realities. All these surreal “green” advocates saying the Gulf oil spill is our wake-up call to “switch to alternative energy sources” are ignoring the inconvenient fact that the technology isn’t here yet. Yes, there are electric cars. Yes, there is solar and wind power generation available, but as stable, reliable alternatives, the technology isn’t quite there. I am reminded of Jackson Browne and other anti-nuclear rock stars singing their protest songs, blissfully unaware of where the juice that powered their electric guitars likely came from. The upshot of their protests against nuclear power has set that industry so far behind in development that it, too, is unviable as a way of off-setting our dependence on oil.

That brings us to a final aspect of the oil spill crisis that I failed to touch on the previous post. While pursuing his latest photo-op in Louisiana last weekend, Bobama inadvertently admitted his mortality. Meeting with anguished local community leaders, he stated “I can’t go down there and suck [the oil] up with a straw.” Did I just hear the resounding “thud!” of an inflated ego crashing to earth? Was this a hint that our Maximum Leader might occasionally sit in a darkened room in The White House, holding his head in his hands and muttering “This is a lot tougher than I thought it would be!”

It took eight years for the Bush presidency to sink into the 40 percentile approval rating. Bobama has accomplished this astounding feat in only eighteen months. His own fervent acolytes are turning on him now. Those who hailed him as the new messiah are now realizing that Bobama is just a little tin god, and a cynical, inept one at that. All the arrogance in the world won’t prevent your feet of clay from further erosion, Mr. President.

Suck that up with a straw.