A fearless stand by a Fearless Leader

Taking time off from his golfing holiday in Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts today, President Obama donned his “Rolling Plunder” campaign uniform and took a firm stance on the Atlantic beach, facing south where Hurricane Irene threatens the entire BosWash from DC to Manhattan.

“I simply will not allow this storm, caused by the failure of my predecessor to sign the Kyoto Protocols, to take place,” the Supreme Leader announced. “This is yet one more event of bad luck that threatens the economic recovery of our country, and I cannot allow this next step in the terrorist conspiracy of conservatism to take place. With the help of a few of my friends, I have a plan that will counter this reversal of fortune, and bring hope and change to America. The plan will be revealed shortly after Labor Day, when we celebrate the triumph of collectivist unions over the evil, greedy capitalist pigs who have too long monopolized the wealth and resources accumulated by generations of hard working and wisely investing Americans. This storm has the potential to create thousands of 'shovel-ready' jobs, and I'm prepared to halt that debacle in its tracks!”

Elaborating on the president’s remarks, White House Minister of Information Hellish Pelican added: “Our Supreme Leader will fight on the beach, in the air, and wherever else he needs to go to defeat this attempt to hold our greatest metropolises hostage to the whims of mere weather. He will not allow the terrorism of weather to threaten a single foreclosed home, unemployed proletarian, or restricted beach. One blast of his mighty breath will unleash a torrent of hot air great enough to unravel the wind-speed and reverse the direction of this oncoming storm. However, should events prove too stressful, we have the world's finest corporate jet standing by to transport him to safety at a moment's notice. His family will follow sometime thereafter.”

[United Possums International stands by for further updates on the progress of Hurricane Irene.]