"Mein Fuehrer, I can walk!" (Dr. Strangelove; 1964)

Upon his return from a surprise visit to the troops in Afghanistan, President Obama unveils the new salute he will soon make mandatory for all military personnel, and optional for “all citizens who are not our enemies.”

The president emphasized that the new tribute to forward-thinking, unilateral bi-partisanship is based upon “an Old-World European model” of the last century, and represents “a proper degree of respect toward the ideals of progressive, strong leadership” as well as “a role model for the world to admire in days to come.”

White House Chief of Protocol Otto Schieskopf has issued a public memorandum that for the salute to be properly executed, the fingers must be firmly pressed together, and the arm extended rigidly at a 45° angle.

“The precise rendering of the salutation is only mandatory for those offering tribute to our leader,” Minister Schieskopf stated. “He may return the greeting in whatever casual manner suits his temperament of the moment. He is a busy man, and cannot be distracted by details."